SARDAR JOKES BY Tarun

Can i read ?
Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his  eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after  wearing glasses?" 
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!" 
"Oh! How nice it would be ," said Banta with joy,  "I have been illiterate for so long."

Both
Two sardarjis walked toward each other on a country road.  One carried a burlap bag over his shoulder.
"Hey Bhai," first sardarji drawled, "what's in the bag?"
"Chickens," was the reply.
"If I guess how many, can I have one?"
"You can have both of them."
The sardarji replied "OK, Five."

Why he win
Santa Singh is Flying from Moscow to Delhi. To his surprise, sitting right beside him is Gary Kasporov, the world Chess Champion. Santa has always been in awe of Chess players, and immediately starts up a conversation with Gary about the Nuances of the Game etc. Gary says ... "How would You like to Play me for $ 500/ US"? Santa: "But you're too damn good". Gary: "I'll play left handed". Santa cant resist the bet and accepts. Kasparov, Check Mates our Sardar in 8 Moves ....... Santa is still scratching his head, as he leaves the airplane. Upon Reaching Amritsar, Santa tells Banta about the game he had with Kasparov. Banta: "Tu bhi pura buddhu hai Santa". (You're an absolute fool Santa) Santa: "kyon" (why)? Banta: "Abe chooteye ........ Gary Kasparov Khabbu hai". (You ass hole, Gary Kasparov IS a lefty, no wonder he beat you left handed).

Gadha Kaun
Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall.It read "Padne waala gadha."(one who reads it is an ass). Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala gadha."(One who wrote it is an ass).

Face in the mirror
Banta Singh is travelling in a train. On his way, he feels the urge to go to the toilet. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, and sees a Sardarji inside; quickly apologizes, and comeback to his seat, not realising that he had only looked into the mirror in the bathroom. Repeated attempts prove futile as every time Banta opens the door, he finds the same Sardar in the exact same position. Not being able to take it anymore, he hunts down the conductor who happens to be another Sardar by the name of Santa Singh, and relates his sorry tale (and writhes in agony as his distress level has risen far above the emergency level) The Conductor Santa Singh promises to take a look, goes to the Bathroom to oust the offender, and returns with a sheepish look on his face. What’s wrong Says Banta. Conductor:- "I'm sorry, brother I can’t do anything, this man is a railway staff member".

Letter from a mother to her son
Pyaaaray Puttar,
Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved! I won't be able to give you the address as the last sardar who stayed in this house took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't make the last payment on GRANDMA'S FUNERAL, she will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetery. Your sister had a baby this morning, I haven't found out whether it is a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an uncle or an aunty.
Your Uncle Jatinder fell into a whisky vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two were in the back. the driver got out- he rolled the window down and swam to safety. The other two friends drowned as the couldn't get the gate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love, Mom
P.S. - I was going to send you some money, but the envelope was already sealed.

A matter of shame
Banta Singh went to eat in ramshackle hotel. To his surprise the waiter who came to serve him happened to be one of his classmate at school. Banta called him and said 'Aren't you ashamed of working in a seedy joint like this?' 'Not at all,' replied the classmate. 'I would be ashamed if I ate my meal here. I only work in this place.'

Fooled Ya
Avtar & Kartar used to stay in same building . Avtar on the Ground floor & Kartar on the 25thfloor. One day when the lift was not working , Kartar invited Avtar for a Dinner. Avtar trudged up to 25thfloor to find Kartar's flat closed from outside and had a note which read : ' How did you enjoy your dinner ? ' Not to be outdone , Avtar wrote under it , ' Sorry , I could not make it.

Santa's predicament
Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made. The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?' Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'

Who killed the dead sea?
Santa Singh and Banta Singh were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other. Santa Singh : 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?' Banta Singh : 'Yes, I have' Santa Singh : 'Well, my father dug it.' Banta Singh : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?' Santa Singh : 'Yes, I have.' Banta Singh : 'Well, my father killed it.'

God's Share
A sikh gyani, a Hindu Brahmin and a Muslim mullah were discussing money matters. The Brahmin said:-"look, after the prayers are over, I take all the money that people have given and put it in a pot with a hole in it. I shake it 7 times and each time I say "om shiva". All the money that comes out, I keep for myself, the rest is for the mandir’s upkeep. To be frank, I don’t really make a lot, every paisa counts" ..The mullah says "I’ve found a better method, I’ve drawn a line in the center of the area where people give money what is on the right belongs to the Masjid, that on the left is for me To be frank, life is still hard, every rupee counts"

Mine and God's
The gyani looked disdainfully at them and said no wonder both of you are so thin looks like you haven’t eaten in days .look at me, I’ve got a car, I eat tandoori chicken almost every day, life’s great! How do you manage to live such a great life the mullah & Brahmin inquired The gyani responded, look at the end of the day, I take all the money that people have given, I tie it in a big piece of cloth and throw it in the air and say "Hai Wahe Guru take whatever you want, what falls down is mine, the rest is yours!"

ocean of wheat
One Surd was driving down an old country road when he spots another Surd in a wheat field rowing a boat. He pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. When he could not stand it any more, he called out to the Surd in the field, "Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field?" The Surd in the field stops rowing and responds, "because it is an ocean of wheat." The Surd standing on the side of the road is furious. He yells at the Surd in the field, "It is Surds like you that give the rest of us a bad name." The Surd in the field just shrugged her shoulders and began rowing again. The Surd on the side of the road was beside himself and shook his fist at Surd in the field yelling, "If I could swim, I would come out there and drag you in!!!

Parachute
Once upon a time a Muslim, Hindu, Sardar and American are travelling in a plane. Suddenly one of the plane's engines goes bad. Everyone is advised to jump. To their horror they find there are no parachutes aboard the plane. The Sardar being a little bold thinks, "Saala marna to hai hi why not try something." So he removes his turban off his head and unties it. Hanging on to the two ends, he climbs onto the wing and jumps. Luckily his plan works and he begins to float. Seeing this, the Hindu pandit opens out his dhoti and does the same. He too starts floating. The Muslim then removes his kurta and jumps as well, and he starts floating just the same way. The American, however, is wearing bermudas and a tattered banyan-style t-shirt. But he thinks if he's anyway going to die, he may as well jump. So he ties them together and jumps off the wing. But he starts falling very quickly. He first passes the Mohammedan, who says, " Allah tumhari khair kare." Next he passes the pandit, who says, "Bhagwan tumhari raksha kare." Still falling fast, when he passes the sardar, the sardar says, "Accha, race lagana hai, to le." And he lets go of the turban.

Deserted Island
Three men were stranded on an uninhabited island. One was Hindu, one a Muslim, and the other a Surd. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles to the next island, which was inhabited. The Muslim was so determined to get home that he tried to swim. He made it 50 miles, got tired, and drowned. Then the Hindu tried. He made it 75 miles, but got tired and drowned, too. The Sardar thought he could make it all the way, so he started swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he swam all the way back to the island.

Lottery
A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Sardar says, "I want my 20 lakhs. The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you one lakh today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 weeks." The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and the rest during the next 19 weeks. The Sardar, furious with the man,screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right now, then I want my five rupees back!"

Run gyani ji
A sardarji is standing on platform no.1 waiting for the punjab mail toarrive. There is an anouncement "Passengers to note.. Train no 234 dn Punjab mail from New Delhi will be arriving on `platform` no.1 shortly." Hearing this sardarji gets panicky..He immediately picked up his baggage, jumped on to the railway track and stood there..

Spare bomb
2 Sardarji's got fed up with the Govt and decided to blow up the parliament. They take 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off. One asks the other "What happens if the bombs blast off now" The other says "Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"

Thank God
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

Past tence
Banta singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how he did his exam. For that he replied "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK!!!"

Time
Sardarji "Excuse me sir, what time is it?" Man "It's 315." Sardarji (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

Bewakuuf pehelwan
Two sardarjis are trying to measure a telephone pole. They keep trying to climb it and keep sliding down. Along comes this really big, muscle bound man and says, "Hey, what are you guys doing?" The two say, "We're trying to measure the height of this pole." The man wraps his arms around the pole, pulls it out of the ground, lays it down and measures it. Then he picks it up, puts it back in the ground, says "40 feet" and walks away. The first sardar says to the other, "What a stupid idiot - we wanted the *height*, not the width."

Answer the following questions in brief
One sardarji was appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'.".

MAZA AYYA KYA ?? -Tarun